Where I Admit to Being a Scaredy-Cat

This week I started reading Divergent (Veronica Roth) which is a pretty awesome dystopian book. Apart from being very engaging, it's given me a lot of human-nature type questions to consider. I'll do my best not to spoil any of the plot for y'all in writing about these.

Also, look how pretty the cover is. I definitely judge this one by its cover :)

So the novel takes place in a future Chicago where society's split into 5 groups defined by a singular characteristic.

• Abnegation [selflessness, non-indulgence or austerity]
• Candor [honesty, often to the point of bluntness]
• Amity [peacefulness, cheerfulness]
• Erudite [intelligence, general studiousness, also ambition]
• Dauntless [bravery, recklessness, sometimes fearlessness]

Which, of course, got me thinking about how crazy it is to try to define a group by a single personality trait that they share in common. Also, the selfless group being called Abnegation just strikes me as a very negative word for a very positive quality. And finally, I wondered which group I would choose to be a part of.

Dauntless was immediately out. These people jump out of moving trains for fun. No way. Candor was also easy to get rid of. It's not that I'm a pathological liar, it's just that I value non-conflict in most social interactions. That doesn't happen when you feel free to tell people how you really feel about them [or their views, or their clothes, etc.].

These are for riding in. NOT for jumping out of.

The other three, at first glance, seemed pretty equally spread. But I certainly don't have the thirst for knowledge the Erudite seem to in the novel. And I definitely am not ambitious in the traditional sense.

So. In real life, I figure I value peacefulness and selflessness fairly equally. I believe very strongly in eliminating the need for war as well as serving others for the purpose of eradicating poverty, ending the orphan crisis, etc. In the context of the book, I suppose I would choose Amity, if only because I wouldn't be comfortable living forever at Abnegation levels of selflessness. And for their red and yellow clothes :)

[Clearly, this vanity means that I would be terrible at being selfless.]

But this prompted me to think even more about the reasons I wouldn't choose the other factions. The one that's hardest to come to terms with is the Dauntless one. I think this is because being "cowardly" is involuntary and irrational. I'd certainly like to be less fearful and constrained by rules, but my brain just doesn't work that way. I decide whether or not to tell the truth. I decide to educate myself or not on various topics. I decide to give things up to accomplish a greater good.

I can't just wake up and say, "I'm not going to be afraid of _____________ anymore."

Which is tough because there are a lot of things I'm afraid of:

1. Wasps/bees/dragonflies/flying insects that look like they could sting
2. Failure
3. Ladders [as in, falling off of them]
4. Making myself look incompetent 
5. Elevators
6. Being alone/rejection
7. Scary movies [I got nightmares from watching Jurassic Park. It was no fun.]
8. Hate groups 
9. Dying/being murdered in particularly painful ways

There are other, smaller fears that could be added to this list, I just can't think of them right now. But they're out there, I assure you.

Also, these are in no particular order. For example, I am not more afraid of wasps than I am of elevators.

Combining two of my fears into one mega-fear. I can't watch even a second of that trailer.

On a completely unrelated note, the Google search for "evil elevator" was much more effective than my previous attempt to find an image conveying my sentiments towards "evil electric mixers."