On Keeping Lent

It's so much harder to take something on than to give something up, at least for me.
Of course, that's the reason I needed those Lenten resolutions in the first place. I didn't find it excessively difficult to make time for cleaning and being more active - especially since my job involving chasing around rambunctious toddlers. But I was a lot more iffy about sticking with the other goals I set. I lost my original list about 2 weeks in so I forgot some of the things I said I'd do, but I know there were plenty - practicing my Spanish, writing blog posts - that fell to the wayside.

Mostly because I kept making excuses. Working with toddlers, in conjunction with the changing weather, meant that I spent most of February and the first half of March with a cold, or allergies, or feeling just a little under the weather. I also completely lost my voice during the Oscars and it took a week for it to start coming back. Still, I shouldn't have given myself quite so much slack, considering how much time I wasted online.

But that's the root of my problem - part of this laziness, this lack of motivation, is just my personality. I have always preferred reading a good book, curled up under my blankets, to exerting energy doing most anything else. I could quite happily go days without interacting with other people. While I love traveling, it takes a lot out of me to A) spend that much time in cramped quarters with other people and B) constantly doing so many things every single day. [I get really grouchy, really fast.] But when I went to Peru, even though I was living with a large family, I was the one who set the pace for sightseeing. I could spend hours meandering through a museum or monument, and 20 minutes getting from point A to point B - whatever I wanted to do. It was the most glorious vacation of my life.

[Well, I definitely didn't mean to go off on that tangent. I guess every time I start getting critical of myself or my environment, my brain immediately jumps back to how wonderful everything felt out of the country.]

Anyways.  

Lent has ended, but without the usual excitement over finally getting to eat that piece of chocolate. I'm just worn out by all my disappointment at not being the energetic go-getter I've always wanted to be. I want a magical switch that will change me into an extrovert when it would be more convenient to be one. That will make me the kind of girl I love to read about - sociable and creative and reckless and bright and interesting. It's really frustrating to compare my introverted self to all these characters and the people around me. I just want to know - why them and not me? Why can't I seem to get anything done? Why do I hate talking to new people? Why am I so boring?

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this; I feel like I failed in my resolutions and I didn't even learn anything new in the process. What can I do but keep trying, keep reminding myself that that murky future out there will be really good if I can get the present together?

So I guess the moral is: we all have questions like these and we all have to keep working at them. That's what it means to be human and, in my opinion, it kinda sucks. But - and this is something that 50-some-odd views on a post taught me - we are never alone in that struggle, no matter how alone we may feel. And that is a nice sentiment to start Easter with.

At the Moment: March 22

I'm working on several half finished posts that are going to be really good [I mean, at least in my opinion], but as March seems to be even busier than January and February, those still exist more in my head than on paper. Or they exist on paper rather than on the computer.

But I digress. I've been journaling more often this month, which reminded me that I liked writing and missed writing, so I really wanted to make an effort on this blogging thing. That was one of my Lenten resolutions, and probably the one I've done the least work towards [oops]. So I'm taking a quick break from vacuuming [probably my least favorite chore, and thus one that merits plenty of breaks], I wanted to do a sum-up of what's going on right now.

At the moment:

I am eagerly anticipating reading MIND GAMES by Kiersten White.

I finally got to adore this beautiful, brand-spanking-new book after picking it up from the library. IT'S SO PRETTY.

In a similar vein, I'm starting to brainstorm again for my alternate history Cold War-esque spy story.

We're babysitting my precious little cousins, after also getting to see a bunch of my lovely family last weekend.

I'm working on an application to teach in Spain for the next school year! And I would get paid for it too!

And Spain is in the top 5 of countries that I really, really want to go visit.

I've been watching a ton of movies, which is nice, except that means I'm not reading near as many books - only 10 so far this year, which is really tragic. But the books that I have read have been exceptionally good! So that, I am very happy about.

I have watched and rewatched the latest episode of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries five times since it was uploaded yesterday. [My mother thinks I'm a little bit obsessed.] I just want to say this - if you like PRIDE AND PREJUDICE in the slightest, you really should be watching this web series.

The first of many wonderful episodes.

And finally, I'm wishing a super happy birthday to my amazing little sister!

What I'm Doing for Lent

On Monday, I painted my toenails purple, yellow, and green.

Another teacher and I were talking about what we were doing for Shrove Tuesday and Ash Wednesday and I had the brilliant idea to show my colorful nails to the kids we work with. Of course, then they all started taking off their own shoes. Not the best plan.

On Tuesday, I ate pancakes at my church, surrounded by Mardi Gras masks and balloon centerpieces.

We didn't have any King Cake which I was sad about at first because I've been craving it for ages. But then I got Valentine's candy and cookies and even ice cream sandwiches from work and now I'm really sick of sugar.

On Wednesday, I had ashes smudged on my forehead and sang with a sore throat.

Spiritually, I think Lent and Easter are my favorite times of year. They're a lot quieter and less commercial than Christmas, which I really appreciate. Mardi Gras pancakes and Easter egg hunts are certainly a lot more low-key than standing in long lines buying last-minute gifts.

And so begin the 40 days of waiting for the party of Easter.

Easter is my favorite holiday, I think mostly because that means I get to sing the Hallelujah Chorus with the full orchestration and all that. I also really like the waiting [after all, that's when the Hallelujah Chorus gets practiced!]. You can imagine that the world's moving a little slower, that time is pushing Easter just a little farther away and then it arrives with a bang! Or maybe I'm just overtired and a little crazy. But I do love the idea of giving things up for Lent, the idea that Lent is different and simpler than the rest of the year.

Even when I do remember to make them, I seem to only inadvertently keep my New Year's resolutions. I don't know if it's because I can't handle the year-long commitment or because I have too many goals. But Lent, I have always been able to follow through on.

This year, though, I had a really hard time thinking of anything meaningful to give up. I have been trying very hard over the past couple of years to cut out all of the mindless excesses that I would normally pick to go without for forty days. I could always give up something like chocolate, that I enjoy but don't overindulge in, but it wouldn't be the same as the year I gave up reading celebrity gossip. And I feel uncomfortable with the idea of giving something up just because.

So instead, I'm doing the opposite. I've made a list of things to take on for Lent, some of which will replace the time I spend meandering thoughtlessly around the Internet. I'll probably be adding things to it even through Holy Week, but for now, it's got things like exercising and practicing Spanish and cleaning my room. I'm going to make sure I do at least one of them every day; hopefully, this will help me get back into some habits that I lost after graduating from the structure of college.

The biggest thing I want to get done is decluttering. While I was in Perú, I was struck by how little stuff I really wanted with me. For six weeks, I didn't miss much of anything. I have always been a collector, so there are a lot of things in my room, and I realized for the first time just how much I didn't need most of this junk. So those things - plenty of which live in our messy gameroom because I ran out of room a long time ago - are going to get sorted and passed down and donated and thrown away and recycled.

Everything I brought with me fit into that dresser and a nightstand.

I am so looking forward to not feeling so crowded in my own space. After spending the past six months surrounded by ALL my stuff in one place - for the first time in 3 years, really - I feel like it's drowning me, just crashing away in my skull and not leaving me any room to breathe. I used to collect all these things [trinkets, coins, dreamcatchers] because I needed the noise around me, but now I think I'm ready to let my self back out, to tone down all the other distractions and figure out how to be an adult and how to survive living in a culture that thrives on excess. To figure out how to start being alive now instead of waiting to do that when my next goal, or the next one, is reached.

So that's what I have in store for myself for Lent, both physically and mentally. In a way, it seems like a lot to do. But when I compare my "crisis of self" [for lack of a better term] to the "real" crises faced by people all over the world, every day, I realize again how privileged I am to be doing any of this at all.

Thoughts on the Inauguration

If it weren't for YouTube and The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, I might have forgotten to watch the Inauguration ceremony yesterday. [Okay, yes, at times I listened more than watched, and tuned out most of the poem, but still. It counts.] My excuse is that I'm just now feeling better from being sick all weekend so my brain isn't quite all there. Coincidentally, I also had a cold last time around, but that was from not sleeping all weekend for church camp and last minute line memorization for our senior show, not from working with toddlers [who are adorable and also FIRST PAYCHECK! I love that I get paid for this].

There were a few things that really struck me during and after the ceremony:

• Okay, why is there a poetry reading during this? I liked the bit of Spanish he threw in, but I really cannot pay attention to poems.

• I know there's all this hoopla over whether or not Beyonce lip-synced the National Anthem, but I really don't care. I certainly didn't notice anything off while I was watching it. Other than the random earpiece-taking-out thing. I can't blame her if she did, what with the freezing temperatures and the fact that it's a presidential inauguration. I think it makes more sense lip-sync and sound good than mess up and be embarrassed.

• Also, it hurts me to even consider being outside in that kind of cold weather. How do people survive up north in the winter? I would cry. As much as I'd like to, I doubt I'll be attending an inauguration because of how cold it is. Unless I'm the one getting elected or something. Or if they switch the date back to March. That would be acceptable.

• I thought President Obama's speech was pretty cool. He brought up a lot of things that I agree really need to change, although I'm not particularly optimistic about most of them getting through the political system. Some of these politicians [on both sides] need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to share and cooperate.

• I cringe a little at all the religious talk surrounding politics. Not because I'm not religious, but I think because I hate anything exclusionary, and that's what this feels like to me. So it bugs me that on a national political platform, Christianity, or monotheism in general, gets all the spotlight. It seems like there's an undercurrent to it that says anyone other isn't capable of being just as moral of a person as all these regular people. I should also add that I'm a little leery of ANY overt public displays of religion, so that definitely factors into this. But also equality. And freedom.

• The First Lady (and daughters) looked super fabulous, as usual. And I love Michelle Obama's Inaugural Ball dress even more than her last one. [I keep almost typing "last year's" in reference to President Obama's last inauguration. Silly brain.]

Side note: I went to a panel on the Obamas and some books written about them when I was at the Texas Book Festival in Austin. Pretty cool people, those two.

 P.S. Does this font seem extra small to anyone? All of a sudden I feel like it is.

My 2012 Favorite Things

2012 was an...interesting year for me. I feel like I have to divide it into thirds: San Marcos life, summer life, and being at home life. Looking back, I can't see how any of these have any resemblance to each other, except for the fact that I spend as much time as I can on books, TV shows, movies, and the Internet. It's a bizarre feeling. But anyways, I feel obligated to do a "year in review" kind of post, and since I haven't found much time for writing it this week, I'm doing it entirely in photos. Because I can, and because pictures are pretty.

I have now read all five of these John Green books

The Hunger Games made me cry but I watched it again anyways

Noomi Rapace was fabulous in Prometheus

Graduation!

The Avengers took over my life when I finally watched it in September

I devoured all 6 and a half seasons of (new) Doctor Who

I wished I was watching Community

I became obsessed with The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

 THE HOBBIT

Samantha Barks and the cast of Les Miserables were brilliant

Silver Linings Playbook may be the best movie I watched all year. Plus, I enjoyed a comedy!

And finally, I got 129 (and a half) books read this year

Christmas Thanksgiving

Clearly I am really bad about remembering that I have a blog. Hopefully [really, hopefully] I can successfully pull off a New Year's resolution to write more. We shall see.

But anyway, what I wanted to do really quickly since it's almost Christmas and therefore the happiest, and busiest, time of year, is sum up the last month where I have been Internet blog silent. And seeing as that month included Thanksgiving...

MY TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR AT CHRISTMAS:

1. This is the 100th post on my blog! 100! It's crazy.
2. I have a job now! Hooray!
3. I did not run out of fantastic TV shows to watch while I waited to get a job! As of today, I am completely caught up on Doctor Who.
4. I have a bunch of wonderful friends.
5. I got to see a ton of my family at our Thanksgiving reunion and there were adorable babies everywhere. We spent a lovely couple of days on the beach in Mississippi. There was tons of tasty food, of course. I also technically went to New Orleans again. We celebrated my great-uncle's 90th birthday at the WWII museum, which was a pretty fantastic place. One day, though, I'll go to NOLA to be a tourist...one day.
6. My sister is home from college!
7. Shiny wrapping paper. I love it.
8. Movies! This has been an almost perfect year in terms of movies. The Hunger Games, Prometheus, The Avengers, Anna Karenina, The Hobbit, Les Miserables [if it lives up to my expectations]. If there had been an Angelina Jolie movie out, then it would have been the Movie Year to End All Movie Years. So, so close.
9. Christmas music! Somehow, I've managed to avoid getting bombarded with Christmas music this year. I haven't filled my quota of it yet.
10. Hot tea.

There are plenty of other things I'm grateful for, but they're not coming to mind at the moment. So we'll leave it at ten. I wouldn't want this list-post to get too long. Especially considering it's the end of the year, which also means the month of people making best-of-2012 lists. It's like OCD heaven! So stay tuned for more list-making, including the best books I've read this year.

Merry Christmas, universe!

Chocolate and Child Labor

Did you know: that chocolate candy you love so much may have been produced with the help of child labor in West Africa. Happy belated Halloween! It's a very unfortunate mistake to consider the world rid of slavery, which is especially heartbreaking in the case of children kidnapped from their homes for a life of dreary, often dangerous manual labor. I am unfortunately not as well versed in this subject as I'd like to be, so for that there are lots of links and even a BBC documentary.

[I know, I quit blogging for a month and come back with this sad, sad story. I'll get less concerned in the next post or two, so come back for those!]

First, I was not even aware that this happened [although I must admit, I wasn't terribly surprised] until I read this post from Kristen Howerton:

The Inconvenient Truth About Your Halloween Chocolate and Forced Child Labor

The picture below is a photo of a young child gathering pods to harvest cocoa beans. There are hundreds of thousands of children in West Africa who do this work. Young children. Children who should be attending school and having a childhood. And they are working for most of the mainstream chocolate providers in the USA. A report from the International Institute of Tropical Agriculture about cocoa farms in the Ivory Coast estimated there were 284,000 children working on cocoa farms in hazardous conditions. Some of them have been taken from their families, or sold as servants. U.S. chocolate manufacturers have claimed they are not responsible for the conditions on cocoa plantations since they don't own them. This includes Hershey, Mars, Nestle, and the US division of Cadbury . . . who collectively represent pretty much every snack-size candy bar that will be available in stores this Halloween. 

Chocolate: The Bitter Truth

I know it's a long five parts, but this documentary gets to the heart of this tragedy, with interviews of children working on cocoa farms and parents who had their children torn away from them. [As per usual with the BBC news, it is very well done and very, very heartbreaking.]

I hope that we can do something about these mega-companies using cocoa harvested by child slaves. The obvious answer is to only buy fair trade, but there are a few other ways to help as well.

From Problem to Solution: Practical Ideas for an Ethical Halloween

The chocolate companies are well aware of the human rights abuses in the farms they are buying from, but unfortunately it is the profitability that is driving the ship, not ethics. I really do believe that consumers can change things. I think back ten years ago, when organic food was a fringe hippie thing that you could only by at specialty stores. Now, nearly every mainstream grocery store is producing their own line of organic foods. Consumer demand is what drives the market.

Lastly, this is the headline I happened to notice on MSN a little while ago. I don't remember EVER seeing or hearing or reading about the child slavery issue specific to chocolate, so I felt like the universe was telling me I needed to get back to the blog.

Hershey Shareholders Sue for Child Labor Records

The complaint says that reports about the systemic use of child labor, forced labor and human trafficking on cocoa farms in West Africa caught the eye of the U.S. House of Representatives as early as 2001. The House passed a proposed amendment to the FDA and Related Agencies Appropriations Act that would require "slave-free" labeling for cocoa products.

Before that amendment could go to the Senate for a vote, the lawsuit notes that major cocoa producers -- including Hershey -- promised to solve the problem in-house without pressure from lawmakers. Those companies signed the Harkin-Engel Protocol to eliminate illegal child labor in high cocoa-producing countries in West Africa, but the lawsuit contends there is ample evidence that the companies failed to comply with its terms.

Hopefully this becomes a big deal for the media and people actually start to acknowledge the fact that a lot of the products we buy are so cheap because of slavery and sweat shops and unfair, unsustainable business practices. Hopefully.

In the meantime, I won't be buying candy [not that I do anyways] and will try to avoid those companies that are doing the least to end child slavery in their supply chains.